Wedding Speeches
We’d invited our best men, MOH R, and our parents to give speeches. But we also told our wedding coordinator that we were cool with surprise speeches, too.
Tip: Surprise speeches are very funny.

The best men kicked it off with a sweet story about how they had met Mr. Feather, and they had watched us both grow to become better people since we started dating.

MOH R had a sweet little speech about what she’s learned about marriage since her wedding. (One memorable line: “Sometimes you’re going to hate each other. Like, a lot. Really, you will.”)
My dad gave a speech about…oh, well, here are some of the best bits:
Yes, it is terribly sad that my beautiful baby daughter left home, but now she is getting happily married. No, I have waited a long time for the chance to tell everybody her life story, including ALL the embarrassing tales from her childhood. Cue groans from everyone, mostly me. My dad talked about three-year-old Mrs. Feather’s love of the word “no,” and how Mr. Feather had an uphill climb ahead as he married this “Jersey girl.”
Mr. Feather’s mom gave a speech that was a straight-up work of art. This was around the time that it came out that Melania Trump had plagiarized a speech from Michelle Obama, so Mr. Feather’s mom made plagiarism the theme of her speech. She took quotes from throughout history and turned them into marriage advice. It was really, really clever.
Then...